a shadow of myself

I would say my flat has returned to normal now that my ceiling has been fixed and walls painted, but I'd be lying. It's far from normal. It's a rare thing to be able to see this much carpet, to have cutlery in drawers and a have more than just a vague sense of order. But, it is nice and I think I may (attempt to) keep it like this! There are still the familiar piles of books and newspapers, but I can now navigate the rooms without having to climb over things. Anyway, having painted myself living in vile squalor, akin to Crack Fox in The Mighty Boosh I shall move on.

The eagle eyed among you may have noticed that my little Etsy shop has been unloved for some time now. I'm hoping to rectify that.....soonish. No promises of time scales yet, as I'm sure to break them. All that I was complaining talking about going on and not going on a month ago, is still going on...although not for much longer! I have 1 week left of my internship. It has been fabulous, I have learnt so much. I thoroughly recommend anybody to go and do something you love, even if it seems so ridiculous and scary and means being destitute for a while. At times I can't see how I have coped (thank you Chloe - my sister - whom I live with and who has put food in the fridge and covered the odd bill when I couldn't) but it has been totally worth it....for myself, my confidence, my art, my career......I can quite happily say that I will be continuing to work there on a freelance basis, at least until August, and then we will see what happens next. . And the actual change - the end and the beginning happens on 30th April so celebrating at Beltane .

Well, this post has turned out nothing like I had expected....it was going to be about new work....I guess it was in a way....but more about the polaroids and the ideas I have forming...ho hum, maybe next time.....

home is......

I have been thinking a lot about 'home' recently. What does it actually mean, and where is it?

I've moved around a lot, especially in the past year.......maybe more mentally than physically......I am not yet settled into my own nest. I feel like I am in a suspended place between the past and the future....this place doesn't quite exist and it refuses to fit. I'm like a snail who has found a new home in an empty can.

erica browne - city bird

That all sounds a bit dispondant. It isn't. I know these things must happen, and we must go through these periods of change.....we all (hopefully, anyway) find a place where we fit eventually, or I guess make the place we are in fit a bit better, or realise it fitted all along.....or something!

And also, these times make you think....get ideas flying around your head, albeit at 2am when you're trying to sleep in the bed that doesn't feel like yours.

Happy New Year

Aikey Brae, Aikey Brae,
Awa we gaed on the Sabbath day
The sichts that I saw nearly turned ma hair grey,
On the day we gaed tae Aikey.
(George Morris)


The decorations have come down (in theory, as we didn't actually have any in the flat), family have once again dispersed across the country and it's back to work for me. I'm working on new designs and new art work....I've seriously let this slide since moving to Edinburgh - tut tut at me.
But, with the new year comes renewed enthusiasm and such....(haha, so much enthusiasm I left this post open in another tab for hours and completely forgot I was writing it!)

Anyhoo, back to usual tomorrow, new things coming to the shop soon! I'll have a better date in mind later......and update in a proper manner when I can concentrate on something!

when it rains it pours...

Well, actually it snows!.....but really everything seems to have gone wrong at the same time. I shall not go into details, but the past week has not been fun at all! Fingers crossed the rain will stop! I want sunshine and light please!


What with everything going on this week I've hardly got any of work done although I'd planned on doing loads. One thing that went wrong was my computer dying on me - I finally fixed it (it decided to behave after I threatened to throw it out of the window) but this somewhat hindered everything I usually do - I really wasn't aware how much I depend on my computer until it was gone! It's still not back to it's usual self, it's running very slowly, but for now it is OK. And since it has been fixed I've got none of 'my' work done because my parents B&B website needed an overhaul so I thought I'd get that done before my computer completely dies on me! It's pretty much finished now, although my mum now wants a fancy picture gallery too (I wish she'd have told me before I started as it'd have been much easier!) Anyway, if anybody fancies a break in Scotland visit the website ;)
I really do need to start getting myself organised! (do I say this every blog post??) It is finally decided that I will be moving to Edinburgh in a month!!! Argh! I'm moving in with my sister until I can get myself sorted out. In the mean time I'm applying for jobs there, so I will have something to start when I get there. It's pretty nerve racking. I haven't really had to do any moving on my own for a long time, apart from the move home...and then I was coming home, so it really doesn't count!

I am tired and liable to rant and ramble about silly things...

I've been fairly busy the last few days, although it's the kind of busy that seems to show no finished result. I was like this at uni - constanly busy, but people (well other students, the tutors were aware I was working) always commented on the lack of work I had done, or lack of work I had to show. I apologise for being able to look lazy whilst I work, I apologise for appearing to take day long coffee breaks and most importantly I apologise for not churning out shit. I've been thinking about college a lot recently. I suppose it's because I am waiting quite anxiously to hear about my MA (although it is not yet mine). I loved it, I loved the tutors, but the other students...maybe I shouldn't go there! If you've got nothing nice to say and all that.

Anyway....I have lots of ideas whirling around my head, things that don't quite make sense to me yet, but will hopefully transform to fully formed ideas after a little more thought and reading and scribbling and writing.

I'm off to Edinburgh next weekend, my work is going in an exhibition about which aims to ask the age old question - What is Art? run by the Philosophy Society. It should be interesting. I'm exhibiting The Family (book with mouse to give it it's common name!), although I am changing it a little before it gets shown. I've also been volunteered to advise on the hanging of the work, as this is the first exhibition they've put on and at the end of the day are philosophers, so are much better at thinking about things than actually doing them! I can just imagine them in a huge debate about which is the right screw to use or something!
So anyway, three days in the Capital, which means culture, people, excitement, activity! What shall I do....must find out what else is on, as my last visit was spent mostly hungover, well actually mostly drunk and the remainder hungover thus missing a great deal of things. This time shall be different. If I say it with enough conviction, it will become true!

I'm currently listening to Blue Mountain by Michael Hurley - such a beautiful song and such a beautiful, honest voice. Espers have also done a version, which is also good, but not quite as good as Mr. Hurley.

I am going to go and get myself lost in my journals again now. I love working, thinking, imagining when I'm tired - it brings a whole new perspective to things.

memories

I've been re-discovering hidden treasures today. I found this box filled with little things I had scattered around the house before I left. Random polaroids - altered by being scratched, burned and screwed up, so not of anything at all, but it's amazing the memories they evoke even without any visual reference. The rest is a mixture of jewellery, a little dolls head, burnt metal and rabbit jaw bones. All bringing back lots of memories - some good, some not so much...but all things I will keep.....
...probably forever.
Sorting through old sketchbooks and journals I found some colour photograms from a couple of years ago. I loved making these. I guess a colour dark room and processor shall be added to the list of things I'd love to have one day!
I really need to go through my old journals more often, pick up some of the ideas that never happened, and carry on the ideas that got left behind.


My friend is coming to visit tomorrow for a few days, so I shall be off visiting castles and beaches, I'm just not sure which ones yet, I must do some research to find out what's open at this time of year. Maybe it's just best to look forward and not dwell on the past....

join the dots

Well I smell lovely today! Just thought I should tell the world. I got a package this morning from Lollibomb and it really was just what I needed after a few days of feeling like shite.

I spent a good deal of yesterday browsing blogs and websites linked from this lovely lady's blog who left a comment or two on here. It's strange how things are all connected, or become connected.
Somewhere along the line through the links I found the work of Anne Mawby, who makes such beautiful, understated work. A lot of it is made using holes pierced into paper....


I've spent the last few days piercing holes into canvas - and small ones at that, and my hand is killing me, which makes her work even more amazing - her hand must've ached so much after 6 hours piercing a day for 6 weeks!!
So thankyou Susan, for commenting and enabling me to find this artist!

Apart from the hole piercing, a little paint smearing and a lot of blog reading I've not done a great deal else. I listed a couple of bits on etsy, one of which has already gone :)
I've just read this post back to myself and it makes very little sense! I really should ellaborate and be more coherent, but today I won't be - blame the last remaining bits of illness!

out of control.....

Installation - view from above

My MFA application was finally sent off yesterday. The rest of my life now lays in the hands of somebody else.....scary! But I can now get on with things other than re-photographing my work and panicking about and constantly checking what I've written or whether my photographs are good enough. I can now just worry about all that unable to actually change anything! Installation - view from below

I'm not myself you see

Today has been spent helping out my parents, visiting DIY shops, looking at and choosing wallpaper as they're redecorating one of the bathrooms. I also picked up a few things for myself - some disposable gloves and some adhesives - exciting purchases! Pretty things (ribbons and buttons) turned up in the post this morning, which makes up for my boring purchases today!
This afternoon I have been baking - orange and poppy seed muffins and some honey & oatmeal cookies. Tasty!

But tomorrow, I have much more exciting and creative and productive things on my to-do list. And tomorrow they will get done.
The list includes, but does not stop at...
Putting an order in at Tiranti's - alginate, plaster & new respirator filters
Finishing off brooches & necklaces I've been working on
List new things on Etsy
Go for a walk down the path that goes to somewhere....I'm not sure where it leads....

Friday!!!?

I can't believe it's Friday already! I seem to have lost a couple of days. I did spend most of yesterday in bed, I really wasn't feeling too good (which probably had something to do with staying up till gone 3am the night before) so rested, read and watched awful TV. I did get up, make cookies, then I took them back to bed with a nice cup of coffee and read some more.
But really, where has the rest of the week gone!?

Oooh Puzzlecat I'm gonna grab your head!! Here is a picture of one of my fetchings - I should actually say here's a really bad picture of one of my fetchings. I'd have messed around with it a bit, or taken a better one, but I'm really all photo-ed out today. I spent the morning taking pictures of my artwork for my MFA application. I'm actually quite amazed at how clear they came out - the light here remains awful (or atleast did until I decided to go to the supermarket this afternoon - then in was beautifully sunny....until I got home and it was dark....typical!!)

just a small selection of pictures taken today. I really hope they're all good enough. They have to be really. They're all being sent off tomorrow. With a newly printed out application form, as right now Puzzle is sleeping on it!

Anyway, needless to say after spending yesterday doing nothing productive and finalising my application today, I'm still yet to finish off my resin things, my slip dress, some jewellery, brooches.....bad, bad Emily! But, instead of finishing those off tonight I'm starting off some new brooch ideas - similar to the tree one in my shop.

Tomorrow...tomorrow I am venturing to the next town to visit a new craft shop - it's not new, just new to me - I'm hoping they have what I'm after as well as other things that are pretty and/or exciting that make me want to buy them. I was going to go into Aberdeen, but really all I *need* is a couple of necklace clasps, and going on an 80mile round trip and spending £10 on the bus, plus food/coffee really doesn't seem worth it for 60p worth of findings! If only I was more organised when it came to buying supplies online. I just put in and received an order, and simply forgot I needed these and it also seems silly to pay shipping costs which are about 10x more than what I'm buying! Anyway, hopefully it's as good as the woman who recommended it to me says it is. And hopefully they sell ribbon too, preferably velvet ribbon in colours other than black or red. I really need to get my act together and order some online, but I'm unsure about the colours...I should stop thinking about ribbon - I'm probably getting my hopes up too much about this shop!

Right, I'm off to fit 3 days into the next few hours!